Out of My Mouth, My Heart Speaks

Personal testimony and this will be the most vulnerable thing I share... But often ppl ask do I want kids and I quickly say no.  For so long it's been a fear of mine. Ive always said that I never wanted to jack my kids up like my parents jacked me up. I present well. Bachelors degree, Masters degree,  a heart for the community,  etc.  But I would trade all of that just to have a relationship with my parents.... My biological father had a monkey on his back while my mom was present but absent. I fear I have no motherly instinct and it's hard for me to form emotional connections because I never had anything to connect to outside of work... I overcompensate for the lack thereof. My mother and I hung up the phone today and the call made me question, did I just have a conversation with the person who birthed me or someone I met yesterday? In that moment I realized how I've let them robbed me of an opportunity....to give life.  Now I don't want kids tomorrow but I...

I am the type of person that when I put my mind to something, I do it. No hesitations. But for a few years now, I've been struggling with my yes to God. My last church experience, left me with so may questions and thoughts that I vowed that I would only attend church but I wouldn't join a church, nor would I get to know anyone at or from the church. For a while, about a year, I didn't even go to church. Then after a while, I began to visit different one's in the city and couldn't find one, which was okay with me, that became another excuse for me not to attend. Eventually, I found a church, but I would only go on Weds. Sunday's, were still out the question. I began to feel like I was missing something... and I was, the further away from church, the further away I was from God...no, church doesn't equal relationship but I didn't have that either. I allowed my last church experience to get me out of relationship. And I was less trusting of clergy than ev...

What you see, is NOT what you get. You often only see or know what an individual wants you to know. I often refer to this as surface level information. Also, on the surface level are often manifestations of behaviors and speech. But under the surface, lies so much more. Things under the surface, control surface level behaviors. And these are the things that often go unnoticed and are often suppressed/not discussed. Often the mystery of our iniquity. Top: Behavior Middle: Understanding Bottom: Mindset Top: In counseling, (Masters in Rehabilitation Counseling) we address the behaviors that manifest but we understand that the behavior is normally something unseen or unspoken that is now acted out. This is often what most respond to, the behavior. But what happens when someone is angry because they have been abused...is the anger addressed or the abuse? Both! But address what comes first. Behaviors are easily corrected. But let's not continue to put Band-Aids on wounds...