Give Life!

Personal testimony and this will be the most vulnerable thing I share... But often ppl ask do I want kids and I quickly say no.  For so long it's been a fear of mine. Ive always said that I never wanted to jack my kids up like my parents jacked me up. I present well. Bachelors degree, Masters degree,  a heart for the community,  etc.  But I would trade all of that just to have a relationship with my parents....
My biological father had a monkey on his back while my mom was present but absent.

I fear I have no motherly instinct and it's hard for me to form emotional connections because I never had anything to connect to outside of work... I overcompensate for the lack thereof.

My mother and I hung up the phone today and the call made me question, did I just have a conversation with the person who birthed me or someone I met yesterday? In that moment I realized how I've let them robbed me of an opportunity....to give life. 

Now I don't want kids tomorrow but I realized that I do want at least one kid and I think I would do a good job parenting! 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The List

Recently, I've been in conversation with friends, females and "the list" seems to be in most of our conversations about men. All Women, regardless of race or age have "the list." The List is what type of man a woman wants. It's personal preference. But usually the list have similar things on there, like He must know and love God and have a job, etc. The above mentioned are usually on most women's list and most important to most. Of course: looks, a car, apt/house(not living with parents) and some form of education are the jist of the list as well. All of my friends are independent, educated, in their career or working on it...and doing what they got to do. But there's a link missing. No1 to submit to. This could stem from a lot of things: looking in the wrong place, baggage, to independent, the ratio of women to men, etc. But what I see the problem to be, is the list. Most list are not realistic and some of my friends/women in general are not willing...
Read more

Iceberg...Not lettuce though!

Image
What you see, is NOT what you get. You often only see or know what an individual wants you to know. I often refer to this as surface level information. Also, on the surface level are often manifestations of behaviors and speech. But under the surface, lies so much more. Things under the surface, control surface level behaviors. And these are the things that often go unnoticed and are often suppressed/not discussed. Often the mystery of our iniquity. Top: Behavior Middle: Understanding Bottom: Mindset Top: In counseling, (Masters in Rehabilitation Counseling) we address the behaviors that manifest but we understand that the behavior is normally something unseen or unspoken that is now acted out. This is often what most respond to, the behavior. But what happens when someone is angry because they have been abused...is the anger addressed or the abuse? Both! But address what comes first. Behaviors are easily corrected. But let's not continue to put Band-Aids on wounds...
Read more

Forgotten

Have you ever felt, you are being overlooked? Have you ever felt that your prayers are not being answered? As, I write this, I envision, myself in a classroom, with my hand raised but no one ever calls on me, or picks me. It feels as if I have been forgotten.  The pain in this, is I feel that God has forgotten about me and I'm disappointed that he has forgotten. The disappointment comes with God being all knowing, so he knows the issues, I've struggled with in the areas of being loved and wanted. Currently, working on it, but I've dealt with abandonment for majority of my life, and yet I feel abandoned yet again.  To many, it doesn't or won't seem that I'm forgotten. Ministry is good, Business is good, the outward is awesome and I know without a doubt those doors are opening because HIS hand is in it...But I am on the quest for my inward to match my outward... I've prayed a specific prayer for the last 5 years and nothing.  No one ha...
Read more