Out of My Mouth, My Heart Speaks

This year for me has been simply the year of letting go. To let go means you r holding onto something that 1.u r attached to or 2. harboring feelings for something or someone. So many times we often say I'm over "it" but don't actually deal with it-whatever that it may be. I've had to deal with some stuff this yr. just to let it go. Dealing with (still in the process) things that I wasn't taught as a child...the 2 I see as issues at 25 are : love and expressing myself. I've never seen love or heard I love u until college. So by this time it was kinda like yea whatever. While in college I wanted to discover what this love thing was,although I had no idea what it was, I wanted to b loved. So of course "he" loved me n i decided well this can't b love and if it is you can keep it. So after a semester of depression..yea depression is real...but the devil is a liar...I learned to love myself, flaws and all. Then I was introduced to "him."...

I have to sit down at this desk and write because there are so many things in my head at this time, so I have no idea if this blog will be titled or even if it will make any sense...this is simply me expressing my thoughts. Thought 1: Today, I had one of the toughest conversations ever with someone that I love to life but it was a conversation that needed to happened. Although, I'm still unsure about where we stand, this person knows exactly how I feel and exactly what I expect. Managing relationships are hard work, whether it be a family member, friend, co worker, church member or significant other. But if it's something worth managing you will work it out, tough it out, and shed sweat and tears if you need to, because you see the value in managing it. But when u are the only one managing the relationship, it drains you. I had to cut off my brother, sister and a host of friends because I was the one putting in ALL the work. A relationship is both ways, 50/50, not 75/25. I...

If you know and talk to me regularly, you know that I just moved this week. Although the moving process, from finding an apartment to actually moving, was probably thee worst experience ever. Even though the experience wasn't pleasant, God used this time to pull stuff outta me. As I was packing, God kept reminding me of two words that HE had spoken over my life for this season, "Brand New." So as I was packing, I started throwing and giving away everything...with no idea of how I would replace any of it...just holding onto "Brand New." A couple Tues ago @ Bible Study,God released me in so many ways, I can't even begin to explain and I still don't know how I ended up in the middle aisle in the front passed out, lol. *Abraham Shrug* When I started packing in the natural, in the spiritual, God told me Everything Must Go. As I began to pack my clothes, God told me to put on my garment of praise, and to pack anything that hindered me before from praising God...

Luke 21: 1-4 And he looked up, and saw the rich men casting their gifts into the treasury. And he saw also a certain poor widow casting in thither two mites. And he said, Of a truth I say unto you, that his poor widow hath cast in more then they all: For all these have of their abundance cast in unto their offerings of God: but she of her penury hath cast in all the living that she had. Read Mark 12: 41-44 as well. As I study this scripture, I can take two things from it, All or Nothing. Or what's insignificant to you is significant to HIM...now that will preach. (I think, lol.) As we see in the scripture, the widow, meaning her husband was deceased so the woman had no income, came and gave her all. Yea, those that were rich casted more but not everything they had. This woman gave 2 mites, which would make a farthing, which is equivalent to 1/4th of a penny. These two coins were all she had, not worth much at all, but she made a huge sacrifice and trusted God and gave he...

I am in a stage in my life where I simply feel like a teenager again. As a teenager you pretty much have that mind set, "I'm grown, I got this." My Parent (God) has been telling me things to do and normally it wouldn't be a problem, but just because HE is telling me I wanna do the complete opposite. Teenage behavior: rebellion. Rebellion is when you refuse to accept authority. God has been telling me to basically get rid of 45% of the people in my life..you are probably thinking, aww that's not bad, it's not, but I've already given up 50% of the people in my life...do the math. HE has been whispering 3 phrases to me everyday about the past month: Everything Must Go, Clean House and Order. And I totally understand why, God is removing people in my life so I can completely and totally trust him, without a doubt. Trust means to believe. I trust you, means I have no doubt in my mind in your honesty, integrity and credibility. Trust is the foundation of a rela...

A secret is something that is not openly made known, not open or public, something that baffles understanding and cannot be explained and lastly, something that should remain hidden from others (especially information that is not to be passed on). Now that the definition has been established one can reflect on or identify with secrets of their own or the secrets of family and/or friends. I've discovered that secrets are a form of selfishness, usually secrets are kept to protect self. Secrets may be beneficial in the beginning but eventually they become toxic. Especially when this secret is a secret sin. Secret sin is that sin no one knows about but you. And that's exactly what the devil wants and how he will continue to work in our lives. The devil can only work in our past and in our shame. Once the testimony is shared, he no longer has power over you. God has been working on me and is still working on me in this area. I am aware of my secret sin but not sure why I'm not a...

Discovery Zone was a franchise similar in nature to Chuck E Cheese but better, if that makes any sense. God dropped into my spirit this morning that this is the season that I am going through. I have to go through this period where I discover who I am but more importantly I have to discover who God is. As I am in discovery mode, I am discovering God to be one but operating in many roles. He has shown himself to me as a provider and protector. And currently I am experiencing him as a father/disciplinary. Discovery Zone had an array of games from arcade games to sports, while in my Discovery Zone I am to determine who my opponent is and Sunday the message helped me to discover that I am MY OWN OPPONENT . And I have to WIN, I have to beat myself, no matter what it takes. I admit its hard...most ppl have some form of addiction, vice or bad habit holding them back, something that can be broken, but when yourself is the hindrance , it's like how do you get rid of yourself but doing th...

Been "churched" all my life. Every since I can remember I've been in church, the same church. Grew up in the A.M.E (African Methodist Episcopal) church...Wayman Chapel A.M.E Church in Dayton, Ohio. While there I was under the leadership of 2 1/2 Senior Pastors. The reason I say half is because the pastor that is currently there was appointed as pastor of Wayman when I was a freshman in college so I've never really been under his leadership. My mother tells me that I was baptized but I do not have any memory of this but I believe it to be true because I've witnessed infants and toddlers in the A.M.E church get baptized. The traditional A.M.E church baptizes in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit (The Trinity). And many times it is done by the sprinkling of the water onto the forehead. So if you asked me if I've ever been baptized, my answer would be Yes. But was I baptized according to the Word, I would have to say No. I believe that deciding to...

This blog is simply to share who Ashley is. Nothing super deep...but I'm sure u will learn something about me you didn't know. Ashley Nicole Browning HE has my Yes! February 9, 1986 25 years old Favorite Colors: Navy Blue and Brown Favorite food: any kind of potatoes 1 brother: DeJuan, 38 2 half sisters: Twyla, 35 and Danyelle, 24 5 nieces and nephews Female crush:Whoppi Goldberg, lol Male Crush is... ( I have a lot) I suck my thumb I have the best boyfriend A boy Maltese: Cloud Johnson B.A in Criminal Justice Master's in Rehabilitation Counseling Passion for helping others. Mom: Eva Browning Sperm donor: Dwight Greathouse Dad: Harold Johnson Music: Neo Soul and Gospel Movies: Eddie and Sister Act 1 and 2 (basically any movie with Whoppi in it) Love to play sports Was natural for 5yrs. Wanna adopt. Wanna own a transitional house. Ph.D seeking...Dr. Browning Goofy and outgoing. Experiencing labor pains More of HIM and less of me. Love my job(s). U will never be the same at.....

The title says it all...I am currently experiencing growing pains and in the midst of growing I'm discovering places in me that I didn't even know existed, good and bad. Dealing with spirits left and right...the spirit of depression, low self esteem, bitterness, jealousy and failure. Taking one step forward and getting knocked back five steps. Not only am I experiencing all the above...this is my season to walk alone so I feel like no one gets me or what I'm going through. In the midst of it all, I am growing, spiritually. Learning that I have no other choice but to trust HIM. In the Word and praying daily, learning to seek his face, getting a Re ma word every Tues and Sun and tithing-trying to consistly . Couldn't ask for a better spiritual journey but this natural thing sucks. Trying to get Ashley back, so this week: no R&B or Rap, no facebook , no twitter,and no phone period. As of right now none of the above until Sat. Why Sat? That will be the next time I...

I get in these moods randomly and the only way to describe them is...I need a change. When I get in this mood, I don't care about most things and usually most people begin to irritate me. During this time, I am usually in my head, thinking. So to many I shut down. When I feel this way, I know that it is time for a change in my life. It can be a minor change or a major change...just as long as it is some form of change. Last change was cutting all of my hair off....not sure what this one will be? But I NEED a CHANGE.

Recently, I've been in conversation with friends, females and "the list" seems to be in most of our conversations about men. All Women, regardless of race or age have "the list." The List is what type of man a woman wants. It's personal preference. But usually the list have similar things on there, like He must know and love God and have a job, etc. The above mentioned are usually on most women's list and most important to most. Of course: looks, a car, apt/house(not living with parents) and some form of education are the jist of the list as well. All of my friends are independent, educated, in their career or working on it...and doing what they got to do. But there's a link missing. No1 to submit to. This could stem from a lot of things: looking in the wrong place, baggage, to independent, the ratio of women to men, etc. But what I see the problem to be, is the list. Most list are not realistic and some of my friends/women in general are not willing...

I am sitting here listening to Kelly Price new CD and a song entitled, "The Rain" comes on. The Lyrics are as follows: It's funny but I can't laugh it's so sad but I cant cry but it doesn't mean there's nothing left inside. I got some nasty scars to prove what I been through I guess it's safe to say that I'm nothing like you. When your smile is your best kept secret when you smile they say girl just keep it desperate for change but things never change. Chorus: So I'd rather stand in the rain through it's poring down on me but its washing all my pain away. The waters rising high it over takes my life lying saturated I am won't let it drown me cause hope has got me floating behind the clouds a rain oh waits for me. Away, away, away...pain. Pain is gone it's raining because it's raining on me draining my pain away its raining washing my pain away washing my tears away. So I'd rather stand in the rain. This song says a lot, its ...

Sat down and I thought I knew what I was gone write about: my christian journey-nope, my testimony, not ready yet, cuz its things in my life that I've repressed and completely wiped out my memory bank, I think Ive only shared with one other person and that's the Gregory Pooh, but I vaguely remember telling him. But Imma write about what I've been struggling with lately. I've been struggling with my FAITH. I spoke with my best friend this morning who is a minister and I was telling her about my lack of faith. It has a lot to do with me trying to be realistic...I have to remember that God is a spirit and he doesn't think how I think, thus the reason I need faith. My bff told me something this morning that has stuck with me all day..."Give him a chance to prove who HE is." I've been doing things on my own without giving God the opportunity to show me who HE is and how HE operates. This is true mainly with my tithes. I've told God time and time again, ...

I've been under attack mentally for the last two weeks....the stress of living God's way and batttling my flesh, mostly my mind...has been a little unbearable...yes, I rock the lastest from, clothes, shoes and a smile, but secretly going crazy. And not to mention this is the season that I have to walk alone. Have friends from h.s, college, and church but I'm alone. Surrounded by many, but I am the only one in the room. I only talk to myself and God...and I even answer myself...so many would say, Im Insane. Thoughts racing, mind bogging things, and I try to escape by sleep, but things appear in my dreams as well...this church memeber that keeps appearing in my dreams???? Many say if it wasnt for God I woulda lost my mind....is it possible Im losing my mind, with God? I mean spirits are attacking me mentally from every angle. Whats the deal? Currently, I am in Dayton Ohio which has been a good thing, no thinking has to be done here....do I need to move from Lex, where things ...

Yesterday one of my friends-well we are rebuilding a friendship gave birth to a 8lb 6oz baby boy...i wasn't there for the actual birth but just being there was amazing. I've never been around a baby the day of birth and I have plenty of God kids. Just being there made me want to be a mom. I wasn't exactly sure until yesterday. Its the most precious thing ever and the greatest gift, another life that you created. But a lot of responsibility comes with that gift. Like anything God gives you. I just wanted to share with someone my over joyous experience about new life. I mean everything about him was just so little and so cute. I WANT ONE! (not anytime soon though). You know the song: first comes love, then comes marriage then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

I thank God for the things I don't deserve. I don't deserve to have such a wonderful family...yes, it may seem dysfunctional to others but to me it is just right and it is mines. I don't deserve awesome friends:the Waymanites , the VIP Crew, my kstate girls, the revolutionaries and to the ones that doesn't fit into a clique, all of them rock. At times, I have been a horrible friend, mostly due to my selfishness and instant gratification but I thank God for the things I don't deserve. I don't deserve G,who he the best boyfriend ever! He is a Man of God and he makes me want to be better. I donut deserve him for I haven't always been the best girlfriend to him, lying and being deceitful . I didn't love myself completely so I couldn't grasp the concept that someone else loved me, regardless and in spite of. It took me a while to realize that true love is possible. And that didn't come until I began to deal with me and go to the places in ...

Tues, had a discussion with my friends from church and the topic of G and I came up...how long we've been dating and when are we going to get married? We've been in each others lives since 2006, we've been serious since 2008. Lately, I've been asking myself the question how long do I wait for the ring? I may not be ready for marriage but yes, I am ready for engagement. Engagement doesn't mean we are getting married the next day, just means we are ready to take our relationship to the next step. After the discussion with friends from church, I spoke with a dear friend, who knows everything about me and about my relationship...she basically told me to wait, don't rush it and to let it go for now. Yep, so I was koo or so I thought...but the next day I still wasn't able to shake it. So, I spoke with another church member about it and this is when I began to cut myself with my own words...told her that I've prayed and prayed and asked God for a sign. Also sh...

Do you know God is real? Many say or believe in a higher being, but do you personally know God is real for yourself? Every since I can remember Ive always believed that there was something bigger thus learning and falling in love with Jesus. There are times when its evident that God is present in my life and there are times I'm asking, Where are you God? At these times, I may begin to question a lot of things in my life and just when I do, God sends me a reminder that HE is real. Lately Ive been going through the purging process with God and it is leaving me sensitive , unsure and highly vulnerable but as soon as I feel like giving up, God blesses me with another job, one I interviewed for months ago, thinking I didn't get the job. God is real. Sunday, at a birthday celebration, God spoke to me again, confirming his realness. I was joking with my pastor about him paying for my dinner since it was Pastoral Sunday. Like really joking. And at the end of dinner my pastor hands ...

Yes, I a huge India.Arie fan...but this statement is so true for me and I understand it more as I get older and every time I change my hair. Hair is a big deal in our society....the hair that is society friendly is long straight hair. But I don't fit or think I will ever fit into this category. Hair has been a struggle for me every since I can remember...in Elementary, my hair was long, but not straight. My mother knew nothing about hair-she had a Jeri curl until the late 90's or early 2000's, way over the era...but Hey she kept that thing shinning and juicy! I had thick hair and somewhat kinky so I would get the straighten comb every 2weeks, but it wouldn't last, no longer than a week, if that long, so my mother was unable to tame it so she resorted into giving into the creamy crack when I was 8 years old...which I think was to early. This is when my hair changed...from the worse...it was still long, but it began to fall out and it began to thin out as well. Hair in El...

Recently I added TV one, Centric and MTV 2 to my cable package because I live in Lexington KY and there isn't a lot of culture or urban- ness , so I needed it, was feigning for it. Its nothing like seeing someone you can relate to, that's rarely the case in Lex . So adding these channels was for me to be in tune with my Blackness and to embrace it daily. Upon watching the the shows aired on these channels, they made me think about my community, the Black community. Most shows aired on all 3 channels are "Black" sitcom's in the 90's such as The Cosby Show, Martin, Living Single, The Steve Harvey Show and New York Undercover, etc. Watching these shows not only make me miss tv from the 90's it also makes me raise a few questions about tv and the portrayal of African Americans. Every show listed above, Black ppl were successful, had careers and were determined to be something in life. Ex. Cliff (doctor) and Clair (lawyer), Martin(radio host/ tv show ho...