Random Thoughts

I have to sit down at this desk and write because there are so many things in my head at this time, so I have no idea if this blog will be titled or even if it will make any sense...this is simply me expressing my thoughts.

Thought 1: Today, I had one of the toughest conversations ever with someone that I love to life but it was a conversation that needed to happened. Although, I'm still unsure about where we stand, this person knows exactly how I feel and exactly what I expect. Managing relationships are hard work, whether it be a family member, friend, co worker, church member or significant other. But if it's something worth managing you will work it out, tough it out, and shed sweat and tears if you need to, because you see the value in managing it.
But when u are the only one managing the relationship, it drains you. I had to cut off my brother, sister and a host of friends because I was the one putting in ALL the work. A relationship is both ways, 50/50, not 75/25. I've even cut my mom off at times, especially, when I was focused in an awkward position and I became the parent and she became the child. But my relationship with my mother, must be managed because it is an commandment. I'll admit, I still have the door open for my relationship with my brother, but there is so much damage, the door is off the hinges, it may be beyond repair but I pray for God's will. Manage the relationships that are worth it.

Thought 2: Realizing that God didn't move me to Lexington to make friends. Only to do ministry.

Thought 3: I am no longer willing to sacrifice my happiness.

Thought 4: O How HE loves me....omgee, this blows my freakin mind to know that God loves me unconditionally even after I blatantly disobey him and continue to sin, whether it be by thought, word or deed. I don't deserve it, not even a lil bit....but HE Loves me! *all smiles*

Thought 5: I wonder who won Sunday Best?

Thought 6: Silence can seem so loud.

Thought 7: Surrounded by many but the only one in the room

Thought 8: I can't wait to decorate/paint my bedroom, living room and loft.

Thought 9: I think I missed my opportunity to minister to my brother/best friend.

Thought 10: Is it midnight yet? I'm ready to get off work, I'm sleepy.

Thought 11: This is the yr of imperfection and disorder/chaos....and it has simply been this for me

Thought 12: Establishing a relationship with God has/is probably the most complex thing EVER...probably because there is still to much of me in the way.

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