Insane

I've been under attack mentally for the last two weeks....the stress of living God's way and batttling my flesh, mostly my mind...has been a little unbearable...yes, I rock the lastest from, clothes, shoes and a smile, but secretly going crazy. And not to mention this is the season that I have to walk alone. Have friends from h.s, college, and church but I'm alone. Surrounded by many, but I am the only one in the room. I only talk to myself and God...and I even answer myself...so many would say, Im Insane. Thoughts racing, mind bogging things, and I try to escape by sleep, but things appear in my dreams as well...this church memeber that keeps appearing in my dreams???? Many say if it wasnt for God I woulda lost my mind....is it possible Im losing my mind, with God? I mean spirits are attacking me mentally from every angle. Whats the deal? Currently, I am in Dayton Ohio which has been a good thing, no thinking has to be done here....do I need to move from Lex, where things seem so clouded? How to completely get this flesh under submission? Its pullin me in directions I dont wanna go. So many would say I am going inSane. Gorilla Zoe said it best...Lost. When you get a chance youtube it! I didnt know how to attach a video.

Comments

  1. C JaqisApril 26, 2011 at 11:19 AM

    Let me tell you something, I've been right where you are many many times. Isolation is completely necessary for ascension. Everybody can't go where you're going and when it's time to go higher God will strip away the non essentials. Not to say that they'll never come back or they're lost forever. Just as Jesus went up to pray alone before His crucifixion, sometimes you've gotta go alone because everybody else can't handle the journey. You were made with the capacity to handle everything that's going on in your life right now so I speak peace to your thoughts and your mind in the name of Jesus and pray that God would send you clear instructions for the next season in your life. This is only the beginning and Lexington is a stepping stone. Love u sis and so glad you finally blogged again.. it's therapeutic! lol

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The List

Recently, I've been in conversation with friends, females and "the list" seems to be in most of our conversations about men. All Women, regardless of race or age have "the list." The List is what type of man a woman wants. It's personal preference. But usually the list have similar things on there, like He must know and love God and have a job, etc. The above mentioned are usually on most women's list and most important to most. Of course: looks, a car, apt/house(not living with parents) and some form of education are the jist of the list as well. All of my friends are independent, educated, in their career or working on it...and doing what they got to do. But there's a link missing. No1 to submit to. This could stem from a lot of things: looking in the wrong place, baggage, to independent, the ratio of women to men, etc. But what I see the problem to be, is the list. Most list are not realistic and some of my friends/women in general are not willing...
Read more

Iceberg...Not lettuce though!

Image
What you see, is NOT what you get. You often only see or know what an individual wants you to know. I often refer to this as surface level information. Also, on the surface level are often manifestations of behaviors and speech. But under the surface, lies so much more. Things under the surface, control surface level behaviors. And these are the things that often go unnoticed and are often suppressed/not discussed. Often the mystery of our iniquity. Top: Behavior Middle: Understanding Bottom: Mindset Top: In counseling, (Masters in Rehabilitation Counseling) we address the behaviors that manifest but we understand that the behavior is normally something unseen or unspoken that is now acted out. This is often what most respond to, the behavior. But what happens when someone is angry because they have been abused...is the anger addressed or the abuse? Both! But address what comes first. Behaviors are easily corrected. But let's not continue to put Band-Aids on wounds...
Read more

Forgotten

Have you ever felt, you are being overlooked? Have you ever felt that your prayers are not being answered? As, I write this, I envision, myself in a classroom, with my hand raised but no one ever calls on me, or picks me. It feels as if I have been forgotten.  The pain in this, is I feel that God has forgotten about me and I'm disappointed that he has forgotten. The disappointment comes with God being all knowing, so he knows the issues, I've struggled with in the areas of being loved and wanted. Currently, working on it, but I've dealt with abandonment for majority of my life, and yet I feel abandoned yet again.  To many, it doesn't or won't seem that I'm forgotten. Ministry is good, Business is good, the outward is awesome and I know without a doubt those doors are opening because HIS hand is in it...But I am on the quest for my inward to match my outward... I've prayed a specific prayer for the last 5 years and nothing.  No one ha...
Read more