Re-Learning

I am 26 and I am re-learning pretty much everything, Everything that I was taught as a child and everything that I learned from my mother, family, church family and friends. Currently, I am learning how to love,unconditionally, learning how to trust, removing walls, fences and doors, learning how to give and to receive, learning how to communicate effectively, learning how to express myself, learning the true essence of Ashley N. Browning, learning my likes n dislikes, not to mention discovering passions and gifts but most importantly I'm re learning who God is!
Love was never really expressed in my family, I guess it was kinda one of those unspoken things. Words never spoken to convey love, only displayed by material things. But I am a firm believer that no one ever taught my grandparents and parents how to love, so they couldn't model to me how to effectively love. It's more than just saying the 3 words, there has to be action behind the words as well. Love is an action verb. Christ exemplified this by going to the cross, knowing we would crucify him daily. Christ showed us that HE would die for someone who treats him like he has the "cooties". U know when you are in Elementary for some reason all the boys have the "cooties" so you run,hide,reject and deny them all the while you secretly wanna be in their presence. Once you understand that Calvary love, you and every aspect of your life will begin to change. Loving God the same way HE loves you will allow you to love yourself and others unconditionally. So I'm in the process of learning and demonstrating every part of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Genuinely.
Among Trusting God, myself and others, I'm not sure which has been the most difficult. But I'm learning to trust HIM, not because I don't have any other choice but because HE is my only choice. Not doing something n expecting HIM to do something because I did something. Trusting him because of who HE is and because I know what HE is capable of. I rely totally on HIM. Yes, it can be scary due to the unknown but that's where Faith steps in. The hardest part is having no control, yes I admit it, I like to be in control! And trusting God says God I know you are sovereign so let me bow out gracefully. Not only am I trusting God, I want HIM to trust me as well. Trusting myself has been a task because I am so unpredictable...you know I am that outside the box type of girl who never had any boundaries or never had any identified roles. Establishing boundaries are difficult for someone who always wanna push the envelope. So I'm learning that I have to trust my own abilities, integrity and strengths. I  have to have confidence in everything I do or say. No 2nd guessing. Trusting others have always been a problem. But the Biggest lesson I'm learning is, if I want people to trust me, I have to trust them as well. Removing all walls, fences and doors to love unconditionally and to trust completely.
Due to learning the two principles above, I'm learning to give what's needed of me and what's expected of me without thinking I will get thrown under the bus. If you know me, you know I give even when I have nothing left to give. I literally give my all. But now I can give with no expectations and without selfish motives. Receiving is a little difficult because I never wanna hear about it later on...if you give, give from the heart. No one should know you gave me gas money or that u stayed on the phone with me all night. But I'm learning.
Yes, I have a voice, finally. Communicating is no longer an issue for me. Now I'm working on the way I say things because I don't want anything I say to be misinterpreted. Because I am accountable for what I say. I can also be better at listening. I'm a fixer so immediately I'm trying to fix the issue but sometimes what's needed is a listening ear.
Expressing myself is becoming easier but what I need to get under control are these emotions. They are ALL Over the place. And that's because I spend a lot of time in my head, so one minute I'm excited and laughing and the next I'm crying and want to shut everyone out. Yep, haven't quite mastered the emotions just yet but I am going to let them flow because before now I could only pinpoint two: happy and sad but now I'm dealing with a whole range of emotions and I'm finally adjusting to it!
Re-Learning Ashley has been thee most amazing roller coaster ride...and I can honestly say that I love the woman I am becoming! I'm learning to appreciate so many qualities about myself. The same qualities that I am beginning to appreciate are the same ones making room for my gifts in the Kingdom. It's no accident that I serve on the hospitality and evangelism n outreach ministries.The gifts of service.- it even pours into my natural life. Yea,.... so about this new gift...God revealed it to me recently, Exhortation. Still filling it out. But it fits me o so well. :) We all know my passion is for people! Thus the reason for my personal ministry, the John 3:16 campaign. (More details soon to come) It's my burden/obligation. Ok, I saved the best for last, re-learning who God is, has been simply mind blowing. Just when HE becomes one thing to me, HE reveals himself as something else. So many ways to describe him that HE simply becomes Indescribable. I cant even begin to explain how HE has manifested himself in my life...HE Simply leaves me SPEECHLESS. I now know HE can't be boxed in...simply, HE IS.

RE-Learn!!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The List

Recently, I've been in conversation with friends, females and "the list" seems to be in most of our conversations about men. All Women, regardless of race or age have "the list." The List is what type of man a woman wants. It's personal preference. But usually the list have similar things on there, like He must know and love God and have a job, etc. The above mentioned are usually on most women's list and most important to most. Of course: looks, a car, apt/house(not living with parents) and some form of education are the jist of the list as well. All of my friends are independent, educated, in their career or working on it...and doing what they got to do. But there's a link missing. No1 to submit to. This could stem from a lot of things: looking in the wrong place, baggage, to independent, the ratio of women to men, etc. But what I see the problem to be, is the list. Most list are not realistic and some of my friends/women in general are not willing...
Read more

Iceberg...Not lettuce though!

Image
What you see, is NOT what you get. You often only see or know what an individual wants you to know. I often refer to this as surface level information. Also, on the surface level are often manifestations of behaviors and speech. But under the surface, lies so much more. Things under the surface, control surface level behaviors. And these are the things that often go unnoticed and are often suppressed/not discussed. Often the mystery of our iniquity. Top: Behavior Middle: Understanding Bottom: Mindset Top: In counseling, (Masters in Rehabilitation Counseling) we address the behaviors that manifest but we understand that the behavior is normally something unseen or unspoken that is now acted out. This is often what most respond to, the behavior. But what happens when someone is angry because they have been abused...is the anger addressed or the abuse? Both! But address what comes first. Behaviors are easily corrected. But let's not continue to put Band-Aids on wounds...
Read more

Forgotten

Have you ever felt, you are being overlooked? Have you ever felt that your prayers are not being answered? As, I write this, I envision, myself in a classroom, with my hand raised but no one ever calls on me, or picks me. It feels as if I have been forgotten.  The pain in this, is I feel that God has forgotten about me and I'm disappointed that he has forgotten. The disappointment comes with God being all knowing, so he knows the issues, I've struggled with in the areas of being loved and wanted. Currently, working on it, but I've dealt with abandonment for majority of my life, and yet I feel abandoned yet again.  To many, it doesn't or won't seem that I'm forgotten. Ministry is good, Business is good, the outward is awesome and I know without a doubt those doors are opening because HIS hand is in it...But I am on the quest for my inward to match my outward... I've prayed a specific prayer for the last 5 years and nothing.  No one ha...
Read more