Dont trip, HE aint through with me YET

Sat down and I thought I knew what I was gone write about: my christian journey-nope, my testimony, not ready yet, cuz its things in my life that I've repressed and completely wiped out my memory bank, I think Ive only shared with one other person and that's the Gregory Pooh, but I vaguely remember telling him. But Imma write about what I've been struggling with lately. I've been struggling with my FAITH. I spoke with my best friend this morning who is a minister and I was telling her about my lack of faith. It has a lot to do with me trying to be realistic...I have to remember that God is a spirit and he doesn't think how I think, thus the reason I need faith. My bff told me something this morning that has stuck with me all day..."Give him a chance to prove who HE is." I've been doing things on my own without giving God the opportunity to show me who HE is and how HE operates. This is true mainly with my tithes. I've told God time and time again, Imma start tithing regularly...oh, I will for a little while but I will eventually slack off to the point where I am giving zero or a $1 here and there. I heard God clearly speak to me the other day while I was in the shower, he said "You will never have a dime if you continue to rob me."(that was a socker punch in the stomach) I always plan to tithe but when I get my check and begin to budget, tithes move to the bottom of the list. When they should be at the top of my list. Yes, I'm a realist and in this case it hasn't been a good thing, I think well if i pay my tithes then Ill be short on my rent, etc, but the point is to give with the faith/expectation that God will take care of it. Yea, but I think that if I will just take care of it now while I have the money and forget all about God and what HE deserves. Sad part is HE deserves more and I cant even give him a portion. Yes, I need to activate my faith and give God the chance to prove who HE is. My bff told me this morning that we often say that God is this and God is that, but we don't give HIM the chance to be who HE said HE is. So I am stepping out on faith and saying HE is my provider. (big step for me) And another thing that's hindering me is my Independence...I've literally taking care of myself since I can remember...yes, I have a mother but she was more like a roommate than a parent...but hey she did the best she knew how and I wouldn't had it any other way, made me who I am today, so I don't know how to trust someone completely. I have the mindset, I have to do it or it want get done or wont happen. So through it all I'm learning to activate my faith and totally trust God.
Struggle #2 My mind. Lol, yall wouldn't believe some of the things I think about on a daily basis. But its getting better now, when a thought comes, I tell Satan he has to flee and there is no room for him in my thoughts. Sounds crazy but it works!
Struggle #3 This celibacy thing. Who signed me up for this? This wasn't in the brochure! I can laugh now and make jokes but this is probably the hardest thing I EVER had to do in my life. Its a struggle for me because there are somethings I haven't dealt with in my past and its some soul ties lingering as well. For the most part I'm good, then there are days when I am on 10. Now I don't hesitate and I get in my Word...but yall know that doesn't work all the time, next I pick up the phone and call someone, its good for me to talk about it. Then I'll be good. But in the end, it will be worth it!
Struggle # 4 Transparency (Enough said)
Struggle #5 Wanna throw in the towel some days...sometimes I think, like why cant I be like most 25 year olds, partying, clubbing and drinking, etc...like this isn't fair and even if I try to do the above now, I get convicted every time, I'm like for real Jesus?! lol
Ok, enough about my struggles...just continue to pray for me! Don't trip HE ain't through with me yet. I know one thing, I may not be where I wanna be but I'm def not where I use to be. *cues shouting music*

Comments

  1. tyroneMay 5, 2011 at 6:42 PM

    I love this. With transparency come freedom. The things you struggle with will become less of a struggle the morr you talk about it. Revelation 12:11... big ups to you sis. Be encouraged.

    ReplyDelete
  2. DivaStatusManifestsMay 5, 2011 at 6:46 PM

    I struggle with some of the same things...especially my thoughts but I will try your technique and ask the Lord to fill me up where there is still room for Him. I'd like to think that I didn't have any soul ties lol that's a joke. But I had a STRONGHOLD and that's harder in my eyes! You know who. And I always have to give it to Him when I think about it and think of all the times when He has spared me and tried to move me away. Now when I look back I think that wasn't anybody but God!!! Just think...me with his kids?! I would be crazier than I am!!LOL! But I am walking stronger with Him and falling in love with Him all over again because the time for being Lukewarm is over for everybody. I don't want Him to say He doesn't know me...I saw a play last weekend called pleading my case and I gues you can say I re-dedicated myself to this Walk...

    ReplyDelete
  3. KandiKoatedKeshMay 5, 2011 at 8:39 PM

    This is one of my fav post from you so far..you have come a long way from who you were and I'm proud of the woman you are becoming. Just keep talking and praying to god and he will handle everything else. Your struggles will become lighter with time just keep faith and doing what you are doing now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. C JaqisMay 6, 2011 at 10:09 AM

    girl... i definitely feel you.. we all struggle with some things and you've done the best thing you could ever do, acknowledge them! the next step is giving them to God.. once you do those two things, He'll pick up in the areas where you're weak. Keep it up sis! Growth is good... look what all this rain is bringing in!! Love ya!
    Oh and about the tithing...lemme give ya a helping hand with that.. when you sit down to pay bills or balance your checkbook after your deposit.. make tithes the first check you write. Once you start to train yourself to do that you'll do it w/o even thinkin about it. Pay God first, even if it messes up the bills. I'm a witness. Made it a whole semester on less than $4000 (and that's including everything, gas, food, tithes, clothes, trips out of town, books, bills, EVERYTHING) HE'LL TAKE YOUR LITTLE AND MAKE IT A LOT!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The List

Recently, I've been in conversation with friends, females and "the list" seems to be in most of our conversations about men. All Women, regardless of race or age have "the list." The List is what type of man a woman wants. It's personal preference. But usually the list have similar things on there, like He must know and love God and have a job, etc. The above mentioned are usually on most women's list and most important to most. Of course: looks, a car, apt/house(not living with parents) and some form of education are the jist of the list as well. All of my friends are independent, educated, in their career or working on it...and doing what they got to do. But there's a link missing. No1 to submit to. This could stem from a lot of things: looking in the wrong place, baggage, to independent, the ratio of women to men, etc. But what I see the problem to be, is the list. Most list are not realistic and some of my friends/women in general are not willing...
Read more

Iceberg...Not lettuce though!

Image
What you see, is NOT what you get. You often only see or know what an individual wants you to know. I often refer to this as surface level information. Also, on the surface level are often manifestations of behaviors and speech. But under the surface, lies so much more. Things under the surface, control surface level behaviors. And these are the things that often go unnoticed and are often suppressed/not discussed. Often the mystery of our iniquity. Top: Behavior Middle: Understanding Bottom: Mindset Top: In counseling, (Masters in Rehabilitation Counseling) we address the behaviors that manifest but we understand that the behavior is normally something unseen or unspoken that is now acted out. This is often what most respond to, the behavior. But what happens when someone is angry because they have been abused...is the anger addressed or the abuse? Both! But address what comes first. Behaviors are easily corrected. But let's not continue to put Band-Aids on wounds...
Read more

Forgotten

Have you ever felt, you are being overlooked? Have you ever felt that your prayers are not being answered? As, I write this, I envision, myself in a classroom, with my hand raised but no one ever calls on me, or picks me. It feels as if I have been forgotten.  The pain in this, is I feel that God has forgotten about me and I'm disappointed that he has forgotten. The disappointment comes with God being all knowing, so he knows the issues, I've struggled with in the areas of being loved and wanted. Currently, working on it, but I've dealt with abandonment for majority of my life, and yet I feel abandoned yet again.  To many, it doesn't or won't seem that I'm forgotten. Ministry is good, Business is good, the outward is awesome and I know without a doubt those doors are opening because HIS hand is in it...But I am on the quest for my inward to match my outward... I've prayed a specific prayer for the last 5 years and nothing.  No one ha...
Read more